


Research Grant Proposal

by dark_roast



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-12
Updated: 2005-10-12
Packaged: 2017-10-10 20:25:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_roast/pseuds/dark_roast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episode(s) Referenced: General/Seasons Zero & One</p><p>The original Research Grant Proposal submitted to Gizmonics Institute by Dr. Forrester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Research Grant Proposal

**Proposal for Research and Development Funding to Study the Deleterious Toll of Long-Term Exposure to Cheesy Movies Upon a Solitary Subject Confined to a Satellite in Geosynchronous Orbit, With Particular Foci on Extreme forms of Torture, the Effects of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, and Stockholm Syndrome**

Envisioned &amp; Written by  
Dr. Clayton Forrester, PhD., M.A.D., D.D.T.  
&amp;  
Dr. Lawrence Erhardt, PhD., M.A.D., B.Y.O.B.  
***

**Section 1 - Proposed Project**

Esteemed Colleagues and Fellow Scientists of Gizmonics Institute -- Greetings!

I, Dr. Clayton Forrester, PhD., M.A.D., D.D.T., bring to you in this research grant proposal, an experiment of staggering scope and audacity, which shall plumb the darkest depths of the human soul, and consequently springboard Gizmonics Institute to Olympian heights in the annals of Mad Science.

The subject of our Study of the Deleterious Toll of Long-Term Exposure to Cheesy Movies Upon a Solitary Subject Confined to a Satellite in Geosynchronous Orbit, With Particular Foci on Extreme forms of Torture, the Effects of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, and Stockholm Syndrome, (or S.O.T.D.T.O.L.T.E.T.C.M.U.A.S.S.C.T.A.S.I.G.O.W.P.F.O.E.F.O.T.T.E.O.T.H.U.P.A.S.S. for short), is a custodial technician at The Institute (hereinafter referred to as "Boobie" or "Jolene" or "The Test Subject"), who continually foments discord and jealousy among his fellow peons by greeting each day with a cheerful smile. Dr. Erhardt and myself find this insolent behavior particularly noteworthy, as The Test Subject empties the Biohazard bins in our lab every Monday morning, and we are then for several minutes barraged by light banter regarding the weather, events occurring during The Test Subject's weekend, and the mercurial fortunes of a mysterious group known only as "The Vikings" -- as well as jovial inquiries as whether we are "working hard" or "hardly working."

Dr. Erhardt and I propose to snap the mind and spirit of this annoyingly good-natured young man like a sesame seed breadstick, by cruelly ripping him from the support system of his family and friends and ejecting him into space, where he will be forced to exist alone on a satellite in geosynchronous orbit, his only contact with other human beings carefully controlled and diligently recorded interactions with the scientists conducting the experiment, e.g., Dr. Erhardt and myself.

The true genius of this experiment lies in the fact that it ventures far beyond the standard "Uncharted Desert Isle" form of solitary existence, into entirely new and wild, weird climes of sublime depravity, or potentially even depraved sublimity. We propose that through a specially designed Earth-to-Orbital Delivery Chute (hereinafter referred to as "The Umbilicus"), we shall deliver not only such supplies as will maintain The Test Subject's grey, unvaried and bitter existence -- but we shall in addition deploy weekly doses of the most mephitic examples of puerile, flaming Kleenex-loads ever to shame the silver screen, (hereinafter referred to as "The Experiments"), by which means the Controlling Scientists shall not only break The Test Subject, but drive him hopelessly insane. We shall monitor and record any and all minutiae tending upon The Test Subject's inevitable downward slide, rendering like glistening drops of precious pork-fat, the most complete and accurate psychological profile possible.

To insure the efficacy of these Experiments, the Controlling Scientists shall oblige The Test Subject to watch each week's Experiment from beginning to end, by disconnecting all life support systems onboard the satellite, in all locations save the theater, further skewing The Test Subject's perception of reality by transforming said cinematic charnel house into his only place of refuge. It is our belief that this will accelerate his descent into psychosis, self-loathing and chronic incontinence.

**Section 2 - Timetable**

Dr. Erhardt and I anticipate that, given The Test Subject's sweet and optimistic disposition, it will take approximately eight months to render The Test Subject a gibbering madman.

q.v., Appendix 87: Calculations Pursuant to Long-Term Experiment Exposure on Glass-Half-Full Personality Types, Incorporating Projected Results from Preliminary Analyses of Mental Disintegration in Similar Test Subjects Forced to Watch Ralph Bakshi's Sword and Sorcery Steamer, _Fire and Ice_

**Section 3 - Budget**

Satellite - $34,766,819,758,236.14  
Umbilicus Design &amp; Construction: $2,803,914,742,899.04  
Food and Supplies: $87,616,952.00  
Custom Lab Coats: $34.95 each

**Section 4 - Conclusion**  
In summary, it is the fond hope of my associate and I that the enlightened scientists on the Board of Directors at Gizmonics Institute will recognize the importance of the experiment outlined in the above proposal -- not only for the members of The Institute and for the mad scientific community -- but for the impact which this groundbreaking research will no doubt have upon generations of simpering Pollyannas yet to be born.

We await your decision, and thank you in advance for your kind consideration.

Cordially,

Dr. Clayton Forrester, PhD., M.A.D., D.D.T.  
Dr. Lawrence Erhardt, PhD., M.A.D., B.Y.O.B.


End file.
